Housework

I was sitting on the bed yesterday, surrounded by a pile of clean laundry. I realized that nobody could have prepared me for this.

Being a wife seemed so confusing to me when I was growing up. My mom told me that having a man in my life when I grew up should be optional. I should marry someone because I want to, not because I have to.

I realized that I should make my own life and prepare myself, independently of finding someone to share my life with. Finding someone was totally unrelated.

I was 8 when I started to show interest in cooking. Not because my aunts kept saying it was the way to a man’s heart, but because I loved cooking. My mom got me my first cookbook back then, and allowed me to experiment with recipes. I just love to see people eat the food I cook and love it. Their smiles make it wonderful.

Well, I lost my mom when I was 11, so I didn’t get a chance to figure much else out.

When I was 18, I was not in the mindset of becoming a wife.. ever.

I did admire the”wives” I had seen so far. I started with the ones on TV. I loved watching I love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, and Leave it to Beaver. I figured that if I ever became a wife, I should be like them.

Life took turns and turns, and the first time I married, I made a mistake. I married to make someone happy, someone that was not me. When I realized it wasn’t going to work out, I decided to work harder for it. Nothing changed, try as I might, it didn’t improve. It takes 2 to make it work! My “Other” half wasn’t doing his part, he was in fact, dead weight.

Now I am married again, and have been married now for 15 years in 15 days. (Which seems weird to say out loud)

I never became the wife I imagined. I am still the one who will never fit in.

I don’t think I act my age, I feel like I am in my twenties (in regards to the house) I am still disorganized and the house is usually messy. It is messy because we live here. I clean and clean and it gets dirty again. Cleaning seems an exercise in futility. I have 5 cats one dog, a bunny and fish. Fish are cool.. the rest, they poop.. a lot.

I love all my pets, but with them, comes more cleaning; and yes they are worth it. Then comes the kitchen. I love cooking! I clean the kitchen cook, and there is a whole new mess. I am never going to have a perfect home; I am never going to be one of the beautiful wives that walk down the aisles of the grocery stores in pretty dresses and high heels. If I am wearing high heels and a dress in a store, I am running through like a mad woman looking for something I forgot to get, 15 minutes before a Holiday dinner (usually cranberries or bread).

I was not prepared for this! And still I don’t seem to be. I work with what I have; I have come to accept that I am a goof ball, but still want to improve.

I am the nut who turns up Disturbed on my speakers, cleaning the bathroom naked so I don’t get more clothes dirty or stained. I dance around in my panties and an apron while baking.

I sometimes still wish I could be normal for one day; just to try it out. I am not sure how that would go; I think I would get depressed.

Marriage is not easy. Sadly many people now days end theirs when they don’t get their way. Marriage is between 2 people (wish there was a way to have more than one there). Anyway, It is a give and take situation. Two people who need to communicate even when they are not up to it. Two people sharing a life, a home, and most everything else. (Excluding underwear, maybe).

Nobody prepared us for dealing with life, much less dealing with it with another person. We are in the same boat now, and must row in the same general direction. If we don’t we should compromise and adjust sails.

The problem is that it looks so easy and fun. Society has made it so we are conditioned to aspire to find a partner and live happily ever after. There are signs everywhere, and add to that the barrage of dating site ads and Viagra commercials.

I am not even going to touch on women’s rights. We are now allowed to work in any job men can work. What does that mean? It means that we work, and after work, we come home to clean, cook and do laundry. We end up so exhausted at night, and then hubby wants to get frisky. When you hide, he feels hurt and starts avoiding you.

How am I going to win at this game?