I want to expand on my non conformity. I know this will probably touch a nerve with some people. If you want to continue reading, please open your mind. I am not saying you have to be like me, or that I am right and people are wrong. I am stating my opinion, that is all.
I have been different since I can remember. I could tell you my story, but that is not practical now, that is not why we are here.
I want to talk about marriage. I cannot claim to have read the Bible cover to cover. I have read a lot of it during the years, especially when I was young and went to church.
In all that, I have not found anywhere in there where it says a woman and a man should be married. Not like marriage today, where you have to do it legally and possibly by a church you may belong to. It does say that a woman must leave her parents and join her husband. And.. that she must obey him. I think that is way outdated, sorry. I am not trying to be offensive, trust me.
I don’t think it is natural to have only one partner. I think the idea of marrying one partner is instilled by society. The government wants to have tight control over it’s people, and this is one of the ways they can do it.
Yes I believe marriage is good, and I did get married, legally and with the blessings of Jesus and my husband’s family. I did get married in a chapel the second time around; it was our choice. (That is one of the freedoms I cherish)
All I think now, is that one person cannot fulfill all of our needs. We cannot expect one man to be our everything. Having such high expectations of another is not realistic.
I am saying that, because I cannot lean on my husband for everything. I need my friends to share things I do not share with him. Like certain conversations, dancing, and other things my hubby doesn’t care for much.
I have one friend that grew into more. I became close to this friend as soon as I met him;m when I joined the Army. (long story) He became my closest, dearest friend. He was my confidant and I was his. We had our own issues, but we were like band aids to each other. We helped each other out and listened without judgement. He held each other when our worlds were falling apart. He helped me get out of my previous marriage and let me find my way to the light. It just happened that I helped him out of his abusive marriage just a few years ago. I Didn’t do it for him; he did it all on how own, I was just here for him; like he was there for me before. I truly believe we were meant to find each other. But… I am married to a wonderful man whom I love so much.
I don’t believe that we are to love only one person. I can love them both more than life. They are amazing people, each one very different than the other, but both connect well with me. So well, that sometimes we don’t need words to understand.
I had talked with my now husband about opening our marriage long ago. We never got around to it, we didn’t need it. But when my “other” had divorced and moved out of his place, we agreed to open our marriage.
I have had long conversations with hubby through the years. He knows that I have long talks and share things with my “other” that I don’t share with him. Mostly, because he isn’t interested. I told him what we talk about, he agreed, he isn’t interested. There are things I do with one that I don’t do with the other.
This made me realize, that I am me. I am an individual! I always have been,. But if you had a relationship, you know that we “mesh” with another. You start liking what they like, so you become a little bit of them. But when you have more than one, you can identify who’s tastes are who’s more clearly. I share what I like with them, show them what I like, they show me what they like. I may or may not like it, but it is ok, it’s what makes us “us”.
When I got out of my first marriage, it took me 6 months of being by myself, to remember who I was. I was lost in a marriage that was all about “him”. I lost myself! I spent those 6 months wondering what I liked, and finding myself again. I had gotten married at 19, and was married for 10 years. I spent those years taking care of someone who refused to take care of himself. He had mental issues and a bad temper, just add that up in your head. I spent my time trying to help him get on the right meds and find the right doctors. My stupid head kept thinking. “I said for better or worse, I can’t give up on him.” Eventually I realized he gave up on himself already. You cannot help someone who refuses to help himself”. I got out before he dragged me down with him into his depression.
Now I can be myself, independently of my hubby and my “other”. I am me!
I also know that I cannot be everything for another person. My husband may need someone else to share things that he may not be comfortable sharing with me. He may want to one day go out with someone and experience something new. I can’t be everything for him, in my opinion, that isn’t human.
I also can tell you that I love being this way. We are much more open and honest, at least in this respect. I do not feel jealous when I see him with his FWB. I feel happy, I love to see him happy with her (or anyone else). When I hear them in the living room talking and laughing, it fills my heart. I love to see him happy.
I can say I feel more protective with my “other”. Possibly because he doesn’t live nearby. I worry so much that some woman would take advantage of him. He is so sweet, loving, and kind to a fault. He will bend over backwards for strangers, and do anything for a good friend. I worry so much for him, because he would be hurt easily by someone who could just take what they want from him and leave.
I want to answer some questions people have asked us.
I have been different since I can remember. I could tell you my story, but that is not practical now, that is not why we are here.
I want to talk about marriage. I cannot claim to have read the Bible cover to cover. I have read a lot of it during the years, especially when I was young and went to church.
In all that, I have not found anywhere in there where it says a woman and a man should be married. Not like marriage today, where you have to do it legally and possibly by a church you may belong to. It does say that a woman must leave her parents and join her husband. And.. that she must obey him. I think that is way outdated, sorry. I am not trying to be offensive, trust me.
I don’t think it is natural to have only one partner. I think the idea of marrying one partner is instilled by society. The government wants to have tight control over it’s people, and this is one of the ways they can do it.
Yes I believe marriage is good, and I did get married, legally and with the blessings of Jesus and my husband’s family. I did get married in a chapel the second time around; it was our choice. (That is one of the freedoms I cherish)
All I think now, is that one person cannot fulfill all of our needs. We cannot expect one man to be our everything. Having such high expectations of another is not realistic.
I am saying that, because I cannot lean on my husband for everything. I need my friends to share things I do not share with him. Like certain conversations, dancing, and other things my hubby doesn’t care for much.
I have one friend that grew into more. I became close to this friend as soon as I met him;m when I joined the Army. (long story) He became my closest, dearest friend. He was my confidant and I was his. We had our own issues, but we were like band aids to each other. We helped each other out and listened without judgement. He held each other when our worlds were falling apart. He helped me get out of my previous marriage and let me find my way to the light. It just happened that I helped him out of his abusive marriage just a few years ago. I Didn’t do it for him; he did it all on how own, I was just here for him; like he was there for me before. I truly believe we were meant to find each other. But… I am married to a wonderful man whom I love so much.
I don’t believe that we are to love only one person. I can love them both more than life. They are amazing people, each one very different than the other, but both connect well with me. So well, that sometimes we don’t need words to understand.
I had talked with my now husband about opening our marriage long ago. We never got around to it, we didn’t need it. But when my “other” had divorced and moved out of his place, we agreed to open our marriage.
I have had long conversations with hubby through the years. He knows that I have long talks and share things with my “other” that I don’t share with him. Mostly, because he isn’t interested. I told him what we talk about, he agreed, he isn’t interested. There are things I do with one that I don’t do with the other.
This made me realize, that I am me. I am an individual! I always have been,. But if you had a relationship, you know that we “mesh” with another. You start liking what they like, so you become a little bit of them. But when you have more than one, you can identify who’s tastes are who’s more clearly. I share what I like with them, show them what I like, they show me what they like. I may or may not like it, but it is ok, it’s what makes us “us”.
When I got out of my first marriage, it took me 6 months of being by myself, to remember who I was. I was lost in a marriage that was all about “him”. I lost myself! I spent those 6 months wondering what I liked, and finding myself again. I had gotten married at 19, and was married for 10 years. I spent those years taking care of someone who refused to take care of himself. He had mental issues and a bad temper, just add that up in your head. I spent my time trying to help him get on the right meds and find the right doctors. My stupid head kept thinking. “I said for better or worse, I can’t give up on him.” Eventually I realized he gave up on himself already. You cannot help someone who refuses to help himself”. I got out before he dragged me down with him into his depression.
Now I can be myself, independently of my hubby and my “other”. I am me!
I also know that I cannot be everything for another person. My husband may need someone else to share things that he may not be comfortable sharing with me. He may want to one day go out with someone and experience something new. I can’t be everything for him, in my opinion, that isn’t human.
I also can tell you that I love being this way. We are much more open and honest, at least in this respect. I do not feel jealous when I see him with his FWB. I feel happy, I love to see him happy with her (or anyone else). When I hear them in the living room talking and laughing, it fills my heart. I love to see him happy.
I can say I feel more protective with my “other”. Possibly because he doesn’t live nearby. I worry so much that some woman would take advantage of him. He is so sweet, loving, and kind to a fault. He will bend over backwards for strangers, and do anything for a good friend. I worry so much for him, because he would be hurt easily by someone who could just take what they want from him and leave.
I want to answer some questions people have asked us.
Q-If you are unhappy with your husband, why are you still with him?
A- Just because I have my "other", that doesn't mean I am bored with hubby, or that he isn't enough. It means that I can love more than one person, because my heart is so big. it doesn't mean I love my husband less. I love them both so very much. I can say, no I don't love them the same, because they are two different people. So I love them differently in way, not in amount. Do you honestly thing a mother will love one of her children more than the rest of her children? No, mothers love all their children with all their heart.
Hubby was asked.
Q- Why do you let your wife cheat on you?
A- When you are open and honest with your partners, it is not cheating. I suspect so many people cheat in their marriages, but hide it very well. I can say I know of many instances, but I don't like to go "there" because it is not my problem. I feel better knowing what is going on and why. That is when communication is so important.
I would like to expand on this later. I know lately I had a thought about this, and now I don’t remember it.
P.S. I have been married now 14 years 11.5 months. And I have been with my "other" 3 years, but we have been very close for 17 years. So it's not a fad, it isn't a passing fling.
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